Ideas

Cup or no cup, the world is already here by Marcus Gee

Hey everyone,

We have World Cup fever in Toronto!

Last night my kids played soccer with a professional Angolese football player outside a subway station.

On the way there we met a raucous group of South Korean superfans on the train. (“Cheer for ​Son​!”)

Giant displays going up everywhere.

Signs popping for parades, road closures, and parties.

Our first ever World Cup home game ... ever! ... takes place in (checking watch) 56 hours.

And yes, yes, I know, FIFA is corrupt, taxpayers are on the hook for billions. I get it. I get it! But, also, how often do we—humans, I mean—throw big parties across our entire planet?

Not often enough!

So let’s get into it.

We just bought four flags to put in the four windows of our minivan.

A Canada flag, of course.

But also Portugal for my 5 year-old who has been dressing up in a full Ronaldo kit for three straight months. Every single day. Including shin pads. And he saved up months of his allowance to buy this Portugal soccer ball which he carries with him everywhere. Why? “Because Ronaldo is the best.”

We also bought Croatia and Ghana flags to honour their games in Toronto and because we just love Croatia—is any city as beautiful as ​Rovinj​ (“Ro-veen”)?—and because I’m finally starting to explore my half-African heritage. Since there’s no Kenyan team, I’m cheering for the ​Black Stars​! I just helped Nurudeen, the Ghanaian man who ubered me across town yesterday, find tickets for Ghana-Panama (​$594 CDN on StubHub for him and his son​) and he’s encouraging me to come too because “It will be the best match of football you ever see! The players, they are so good. The supporters are coming! We will stand, we will have the Afro Beat, we will sing ​High Life​, we will have a Soccer Calypso the whole game!”

We have World Cup Fever in Toronto!

One of the best reflections of our World Cup energy right now comes in this ​incredible feature piece in The Globe and Mail​ about Market Lane Public School. Yes! The very public elementary school Leslie began teaching at in 2011. I love the name, too: “Cup or no cup, the world is already here.”

I got a Saturday Globe subscription for my parents last year—​get yers today!​—so their brains weren’t being firehosed with solely algorithmic news (puke emoji) and as a result I am able to log in and gift two articles a month.

So I gift this article to you.

I am so lucky that every day after work I see Leslie come home energized by the vitality, connection, and love shown in her school.

Last week, she drove the Sudanese refugees mentioned in this piece to a Newcomers Assessment and the mom said to her, through Google Translate on the phone they were swapping in our van, “Canada is the dream. I wish every mother in the world was able to have her children be safe in a country like Canada.”

Amen!

What a glorious reflection of our multicultural heritage, roots, and identity. Kudos to you, Marcus Gee!

Let’s continue to celebrate, amplify, and share our glorious nation—​so glorious!​—as the world comes to watch.

Let us all feel and relish in our shared humanity and love over the next few weeks.

Let us enjoy and experience much collective effervescence.

Here is the piece pasted in full below and you can also read it on my blog, too.

Neil

PS. Someone forward you this? ​Join us right here!​ All my stuff online is 100% handwritten from me to you—no ads, no AI—since 2008.


Cup or no cup, the world is already here

June 6, 2026

By ​Marcus Gee​

Photography by Fred Lum

​Read on The Globe​ | ​Subscribe to The Globe

Canada is going through a rough patch. Our best friend in the world is suddenly acting like an enemy. Our economic productivity and standard of living are lagging. Our famously livable cities are looking ragged around the edges. In two of our provinces, separatism is rearing its ugly head again.

But there is one way in which, for all our faults, we are doing exceedingly well. Over the past couple of generations, we have welcomed and absorbed millions of newcomers. It is the greatest success of our recent history, a glowing example in a world torn by renewed tribalism, prejudice and conflict. The ​2026 World Cup​ is the perfect occasion to celebrate it.

The World Cup is the biggest event in the planet’s most popular sport. This year, as co-host with the United States and Mexico, Canada is putting on 13 matches: seven in Vancouver, six in Toronto.

The country that welcomed the world is welcoming the world’s game. It will be something to behold.

For a few weeks, this country will be part of a global extravaganza followed by billions. Watch parties, fan fests and victory celebrations will make Canadian streets teem with life. Throngs of visitors from soccer-mad nations as disparate as Germany and Senegal will flock to our shores. The first match, in Toronto on June 12, will feature Canada’s own national team, playing in the tournament for only the third time, this one on home soil.

Yes, the ticket prices are obscene and, yes, the cost to taxpayers is outrageous: more than $1-billion, according the federal government’s Parliamentary Budget Officer. But we need this. The world needs this.

At its best, says Franklin Foer, the American author of How Soccer Explains the World: An Unlikely Theory of Globalization, the World Cup is “this incredible, beautiful, joyous festival of nationalism. Whatever rivalries and historic hatreds exist are expressed in a mostly harmless way.”

We will see that truth up close on the streets of Canada this month. Generations of mass immigration on a scale few nations have ever seen made sure of that.

You can find people from every corner of the world in Vancouver and Toronto – or Calgary, Halifax and Kitchener, for that matter. The captain of Canada’s team himself, Alphonso Davies, was born in a refugee camp in Ghana after his parents escaped a civil war in Liberia.

The result will be a multinational celebration of the world’s most multinational sport. In France, they will be flying the French flag to support their national team; in Algeria, the Algerian. Canadians will be waving 48 flags this World Cup: one for each contender – Canada included.

When asked to make their own ‘identity shields,’ Grade 4 and 5 pupils added symbols of their heritage to the mix at Toronto’s Market Lane Junior and Senior Public School. There are flags from Yemen, Antigua and Barbuda, Finland and, of course, Canada.

Twenty-first century Canada is a different kind of homeland. Not a “post-national state,” in Justin Trudeau’s mushy formulation – our sense of nationhood is strong – but a place where people can celebrate both their ancestry and their country without fear.

You don’t have to look hard to find the proof. I found it in a remarkable Toronto neighbourhood called the Esplanade, just around the corner from the headquarters of The Globe and Mail.

Tucked into a historic nook of downtown, steps from where the city was first established two centuries ago, it is a pleasant mix of townhouses, condos, apartments and co-ops holding people from all manner of incomes and backgrounds.

Its variety is astounding. The sandwich board for a local lunch spot offers chop suey, chicken soup, garlic bread and biryani, according to your taste.

New arrivals from places like the Philippines or the Punjab mix with older residents from Russia, Italy, Poland and Scotland.

Toronto has a Little Italy, a Little Portugal and a Little India, not to mention at least two Chinatowns. The Esplanade is more like Little Everywhere.

To mark the World Cup, a local arts group called Jamii (Swahili for “community”) had an ambitious idea: take photos of people representing each of the four dozen countries playing in the tournament and put them up in the neighbourhood – something that would be impossible in most places. The photos are now arrayed along the edge of a park named after a popular Toronto mayor, David Crombie.

The Scots are represented in the photo exhibit around the Esplanade.

One of them shows Jae Yang, 44, a photographer who took some of the shots in the series himself. His parents are Korean by origin. They moved to Argentina and he grew up there, living and breathing soccer the way people from the land of Maradona and Messi do. In Canada, where he moved two decades ago, he met a woman of Chinese ancestry who grew up in Peru. When this Asian-looking pair go up to Hispanic people and start speaking Spanish, says Mr. Yang, “they look at us like we have three heads.”

Jae Yang, featured in one of the photos around the Esplanade, took some of the other photos with people from the community.

He will cheer for all of his “home” teams this month: South Korea’s, Argentina’s and Canada’s. He has a jersey for each. He just hopes South Korea and Argentina don’t end up playing against each other: “That would be bad.”

Another picture in the series shows Iris Unlu, 35. She came to Canada from Turkey in 2015, intending to stay a few months and improve her English. She is still here, living happily with her Toronto-born partner and her big fluffy white dog. She relishes the freedom she has here to live her life as an openly gay woman, something she says she could not have done in Turkey.

Countries from every populated continent are represented in the photo project, from Austria to Australia, Sweden to Ecuador. The organizers even found a couple to represent Curaçao, an island in the Dutch Caribbean with a population of just 158,000 – the smallest country ever to compete in the World Cup.

To Ms. Unlu, “it’s kind of crazy mind-blowing” that they could track down people from so many places. But that is Toronto; that, increasingly, is Canada.

‘If Canada is a little bit smug, I think it deserves it,’ says Iris Unlu, with Jae Yang at one of the installations. Ms. Unlu moved here from Turkey more than a decade ago and says she enjoys the greater freedom.

Mr. Yang grew up in Argentina, which won the last World Cup in Qatar four years ago. That was the first tournament in more than three decades where Canada qualified to compete. This time, the host cities and First Nations will return the hospitality.

The scale of this change is monumental. The Toronto that I grew up in in the 1950s and 1960s was a hidebound, provincial city where a dinner out meant spaghetti, checked tablecloths and wine bottles wrapped in straw. My North Toronto high school class had precisely one Chinese guy, who stuck out like a sore thumb in the sea of kids with names such as Rogers or Roberts.

By the time I was starting to raise a family of my own, the city, and the country, had changed beyond recognition. The waves of migrants from Southern Europe who settled in Canada after the Second World War were followed by new waves from Asia: India, Pakistan, China, the Philippines, Vietnam.

The downtown school my own children attended had kids from 32 countries. In today’s Toronto, seven out of 10 students in the public-school system list their race as something other than white. They and their families speak more than 100 languages.

In the Esplanade, the local elementary school, Market Lane, has kids from every background under the sun. When one teacher asked his pupils to show on a world map where their families came from, they placed stickers from Myanmar to Ukraine, Tanzania to Chile. In the school’s senior grades, 24 per cent identify as white, 19 per cent South Asian, 16 per cent East Asian, 12 per cent Black, 7 per cent Middle Eastern, 5 per cent Southeast Asian and 3 per cent Latino. Fourteen per cent list their background as “more than one.”

Pupils come from diverse backgrounds at Market Lane Junior and Senior Public School.

Two kids whose families fled the conflict in Sudan as refugees just enrolled. The school paired them with other Arabic-speaking students, but they are already picking up English. “Good morning,” one of them, a boy, sang out to Principal Laurie Jantzi in the stairwell this week.

Many of the kids are soccer fanatics, constantly kicking a ball back and forth at recess. One teacher wants to use the school foosball table to stage a kind of mini World Cup for them.

Laurie Jantzi is the principal at Market Lane, where soccer is a passion and a pastime for many pupils.

Food writer Suresh Doss never stops being dazzled by this country’s diversity. For 25 years, he has been exploring it with his taste buds.

He came to Canada when his Sri Lankan family settled in the Toronto suburb of Scarborough. His mother and grandmother were great cooks, so he learned to love food. He made his name talking about the great restaurants you can find in strip malls on the edges of town.

Today, Mr. Doss says, diners can sample fantastic dishes from all over the world in every corner of Toronto. And no wonder. In the 2021 census, close to half of the city’s residents (47 per cent) said they were immigrants. He is helping to organize a World Cup festival featuring art, music and more than 20 kinds of food, from Armenian to American.

One Scarborough supermarket that Mr. Doss likes to visit has a whole aisle just for mangoes: the big, juicy ones preferred by many Indians and Sri Lankans; crunchy, semi-ripe ones for Thais and Jamaicans; little baby ones for Colombians.

The mingling of many cultures, he says, is producing a whole range of new food offerings, from the jerk-chicken samosa to mutton-curry pizza. That mingling reaches a peak at World Cup time.

“Everyone’s cheering for their team, but they’re cheering as they’re rubbing shoulders, they’re cheering as they’re literally sharing drinks,” says Mr. Doss. If their team loses, they may start rooting for another squad they like. It’s all good in the end. Who hasn’t cheered for Brazil’s renowned crew at some point or admired the artistry of France’s Kylian Mbappé?

Simon Kuper, a columnist for London’s Financial Times and author of the just-published World Cup Fever, says the spirit of the tournament is “ecumenical.” In other words, “it’s a celebration of your own nation and it’s a celebration of the whole world, both in one.” Canada is just the place for such a party.

Near the students’ artwork at Market Lane, orange shirt symbols honour Indigenous children who suffered in residential schools. Pupils across Canada observe Orange Shirt Day each Sept. 30.

This country has not always been so welcoming. Our history is pockmarked with episodes of exclusion and racism – against the Chinese who came to build the transcontinental railroad; against the Japanese Canadians interned during the Second World War – not to mention the suffering visited on Indigenous peoples.

Even in recent years, we have seen appalling hate crimes such as the murderous assault on a Quebec mosque in 2017 and the fatal truck attack on a Muslim family in London, Ont., in 2021. Antisemitism has surged since the start of the war in Gaza. Public support for immigration has fallen from its usual robust levels, in part because of the way Ottawa botched the international-student program.

But the broad backlash against immigration that you see in much of the Western world simply hasn’t happened here. Though Canada has taken in more immigrants per capita than any other major democracy, it has no anti-immigrant political party of any note. That sets it apart from Germany, France, Britain, Italy and Australia, not to mention Donald Trump’s United States.

The fear of some skeptics that newcomers would fail to become “real Canadians” – huddling for generations in isolated, clannish pockets – has not materialized. Kids not long off the plane from some faraway place are soon sporting Raptors caps and listening to Olivia Rodrigo. In fact, one of the biggest complaints of immigrant parents is that their kids blend in too quickly, refusing to speak the language or observe the customs of the old country.

While some diasporas are anxious about rising far-right influence back home, the Esplanade exhibit aims to strike a note of hope.

Christmas trees have not disappeared. Hockey is still the king of Canadian sports. Canadians across the board, whatever their background, banded together in anger and defiance when an orange-coloured former reality-TV star threatened to make this country the 51st state. A survey last year showed that foreign-born citizens are more likely than homegrown ones to feel proud to be Canadian.

In Canada’s Ghanaian community, they will be waving Ghana’s red, yellow and green flag when its team, the Black Stars, takes on Panama at Toronto’s BMO Field on June 17. But the Maple Leaf will be flying, too. Emmanuel Duodu, president of the Ghanaian-Canadian Association of Ontario, says the tournament is a chance for members of his community to celebrate their culture and heritage without for a moment forgetting their allegiance to Canada, which he calls “the greatest country in the world.”

This Canadian success story has meaning beyond our shores. There was a time, not long ago, when it was thought that the world’s divisions would ease as the spread of trade, technology and democracy brought us all closer together. Today, common wisdom sees that as a naive, outdated notion. Countries will pursue their interests with ruthless resolve. Borders will harden. It’s not a small world after all.

Canada’s experience suggests otherwise. It is a flicker of hope in a darkening glass.

If that sounds smug or prideful, try asking someone who has come to Canada from somewhere else what they think. I did. Is it wrong to pat ourselves on the back?

Most of those I talked to were bewildered by the question. Of course Canada should be proud, they said. Places like the Esplanade are a delight to live in. Canada, for all its faults, is so much better than where we came from. Stable, free. We love it (except for the cold).

“If Canada is a little bit smug, I think it deserves it,” said Ms. Unlu, the woman with the big white dog.

The rest of us have become so accustomed to Canada’s brilliant human mosaic that it doesn’t impress us any more. Like a guy who works in a cafe overlooking Niagara Falls, we no longer see the marvels outside our window. But there is really nothing quite like it anywhere else.

The Canada that will be on display during the World Cup is a wonder of the modern world. Let’s not grumble about the crowds and the noise. Let’s share a drink, wave a flag and cheer.


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My Favorite David Sedaris Essay: "You Can't Kill The Rooster" [Explicit]

Click here to read the full text of ‘You Can’t Kill The Rooster’

Hey everyone,

One night last week I just couldn’t sleep.

I couldn’t!

I could not sleep.

I did all the proper evening routines, too.

No food and no screens a few hours before bedtime.

Dark room.

Cold room!

I know ​so many evening routines​.

Even had my new CPAP mask Darth Vadering onto my face ...

No luck.

No dice.

I just couldn’t turn my brain off.

That has happened to me a lot ​since I was a baby​. I’ve gotten better at it! But sometimes: Pow! Just killer no-sleeping.

So what did I do?

I started ​journaling​ with my ​Glocusent book light​ (not an ad) on orange, lying pointing upwards on my chest.

Then: deep breathing.

Then: writing all my ideas and things I’m thinking about on little cue cards beside my bed.

Then: reciting little mantras.

Then: counting backwards from 1000 by 7s. (Seriously.)

Nothing did it!

Somewhere between 2 and 3am I gave up and figured I just needed to read again—but on my beside table right now are ‘​Vigil​’ by ​George Saunders​, ‘​A Little More Social​’ by Nicholas Epley, and ‘​The Dark Half​’ by Stephen King.

Uh ... not exactly lulling.

Then, suddenly: I knew what I had to do!

I got up, in my boxers, in the pitch black, in my freezing cold house, and tiptoed all the way down to the basement where, filed under ‘Essays’ (808.4 in my Dewey Decimal organized home library, of course) I plucked ‘​Me Talk Pretty One Day​’ by David Sedaris off the shelf.

I took it back upstairs, flipped to the title page, read the autograph I forgot David left in my book—“To Neil, thank you for having my children, David S”—just before I ​got out of his limo way back in 2018.

I flipped to the Table of Contents ...

And then, yes, I knew!

Every essay in the book is a gem.

Of course it is! This is David Sedaris’s bestselling book of all time with ​three quarters of a million (!) ratings on Goodreads​.

But, of course, the essay I picked to read was ‘You Can’t Kill The Rooster’, which first appeared in Esquire in June, 1998, because ... I knew ... I just knew ... it would be the most unconventionally motivational and hilarious 8-page send up to untwist my now-anxious stomach and finally help me relax and nod off.

I smiled, I squeezed in silent laughs so I didn’t wake up Leslie, and I once again found myself inspired by the attitude of one Mr. Paul Sedaris.

I now share the full essay of “You Can’t Kill The Rooster” by David Sedaris.

Warning! It’s explicit. Um, very explicit. Like, you know that little [E] they put beside explicit songs on Spotify?

Imagine this essay has three of those.

Deeply human, wildly surprising, but, yeah [E] [E] [E].

You’ve been warned!

All rights very much reserved by arguably the funniest writer alive, the one and only Mr. David Sedaris, and Little, Brown & Company, with their full copyright from 2000. If you liked this, please do grab a copy of ‘​Me Talk Pretty One Day​’ right here on ​Amazon​, ​B&N​, ​Bookshop​ or ​Indigo​.

Sweet dreams,

Neil


'You Can’t Kill the Rooster'

By David Sedaris

When I was young, my father was transferred and our family moved from western New York State to Raleigh, North Carolina. IBM had relocated a great many northerners, and together we made relentless fun of our new neighbors and their poky, backward way of life. Rumors circulated that the locals ran stills out of their toolsheds and referred to their house cats as “good eatin’.” Our parents discouraged us from using the titles “ma’am” or “sir” when addressing a teacher or shopkeeper. Tobacco was acceptable in the form of a cigarette, but should any of us experiment with plug or snuff, we would automatically be disinherited. Mountain Dew was forbidden, and our speech was monitored for the slightest hint of a Raleigh accent. Use the word “y’all,” and before you knew it, you’d find yourself in a haystack French kissing an underage goat. Along with grits and hush puppies, the abbreviated form of you all was a dangerous step on an insidious path leading straight to the doors of the Baptist church.

We might not have been the wealthiest people in town, but at least we weren’t one of them.

Our family remained free from outside influence until 1968, when my mother gave birth to my brother, Paul, a North Carolina native who has since grown to become both my father’s best ally and worst nightmare. Here was a child who, by the time he had reached the second grade, spoke much like the toothless fishermen casting their nets into Albemarle Sound. This is the grown man who now phones his father to say, “Motherfucker, I ain’t seen pussy in so long, I’d throw stones at it.”

My brother’s voice, like my own, is high-pitched and girlish. Telephone solicitors frequently ask to speak to our husbands or request that we put our mommies on the line. The Raleigh accent is soft and beautifully cadenced, but my brother’s is a more complex hybrid, informed by his professional relationships with marble-mouthed, deep-country work crews and his abiding love of hard-core rap music. He talks so fast that even his friends have a hard time understanding him. It’s like listening to a foreigner and deciphering only shit, motherfucker, bitch, and the single phrase You can’t kill the Rooster.

“The Rooster” is what Paul calls himself when he’s feeling threatened. Asked how he came up with that name, he says only, “Certain motherfuckers think they can fuck with my shit, but you can’t kill the Rooster. You might fuck him up sometimes, but, bitch, nobody kills the motherfucking Rooster. You know what I’m saying?”

It often seems that my brother and I were raised in two completely different households. He’s eleven years younger than I am, and by the time he reached high school, the rest of us had all left home. When I was young, we weren’t allowed to say “shut up,” but once the Rooster hit puberty it had become acceptable to shout, “Shut your motherfucking hole.” The drug laws had changed as well. “No smoking pot” became “no smoking pot in the house,” before it finally petered out to “please don’t smoke any more pot in the living room.”

My mother was, for the most part, delighted with my brother and regarded him with the bemused curiosity of a brood hen discovering she has hatched a completely different species. “I think it was very nice of Paul to give me this vase,” she once said, arranging a bouquet of wildflowers into the skull-shaped bong my brother had left on the dining-room table. “It’s nontraditional, but that’s the Rooster’s way. He’s a free spirit, and we’re lucky to have him.”

Like most everyone else in our suburban neighborhood, we were raised to meet a certain standard. My father expected me to attend an Ivy League university, where I’d make straight A’s, play football, and spend my off-hours strumming guitar with the student jazz combo. My inability to throw a football was exceeded only by my inability to master the guitar. My grades were average at best, and eventually I learned to live with my father’s disappointment. Fortunately there were six of us children, and it was easy to get lost in the crowd. My sisters and I managed to sneak beneath the wire of his expectations, but we worried about my brother, who was seen as the family’s last hope.

From the age of ten, Paul was being dressed in Brooks Brothers suits and tiny, clip-on rep ties. He endured trumpet lessons, soccer camp, church-sponsored basketball tournaments, and after-school sessions with well-meaning tutors who would politely change the subject when asked about the Rooster’s chances of getting into Yale or Princeton. Fast and well-coordinated, Paul enjoyed sports but not enough to take them seriously. School failed to interest him on any level, and the neighbors were greatly relieved when he finally retired his trumpet. His response to our father’s impossible and endless demands has, over time, become something of a mantra. Short and sweet, repeated at a fever pitch, it goes simply, “Fuck it,” or on one of his more articulate days, “Fuck it, motherfucker. That shit don’t mean fuck to me.”

My brother politely ma’ams and sirs all strangers but refers to friends and family, his father included, as either “bitch” or “motherfucker.” Friends are appalled at the way he speaks to his only remaining parent. The two of them once visited my sister Amy and me in New York City, and we celebrated with a dinner party. When my father complained about his aching feet, the Rooster set down his two-liter bottle of Mountain Dew and removed a fistful of prime rib from his mouth, saying, “Bitch, you need to have them ugly-ass bunions shaved down is what you need to do. But you can’t do shit about it tonight, so lighten up, motherfucker.”

All eyes went to my father, who chuckled, saying only, “Well, I guess you have a point.”

A stranger might reasonably interpret my brother’s language as a lack of respect and view my father’s response as a form of shameful surrender. This, though, would be missing the subtle beauty of their relationship.

My father is the type who once recited a bawdy limerick, saying, “A woman I know who’s quite blunt / had a bear trap installed in her… Oh, you know. It’s a base, vernacular word for the vagina.” He can absolutely kill a joke. When pushed to his limit, this is a man who shouts, “Fudge,” a man who curses drivers with a shake of his fist and a hearty “G.D. you!” I’ve never known him to swear, yet he and my brother seem to have found a common language that eludes the rest of us.

My father likes to talk about money. Spending doesn’t interest him in the least, especially as he grows older. He prefers money as a concept and often uses terms such as annuity and fiduciary, words definitely not listed in the dictionary of mindless entertainment. It puts my ears to sleep, but still, when he talks I pretend to listen to him, if only because it seems like the mature thing to do. When my father talks finance to my brother, Paul will cut him off, saying, “Fuck the stock talk, hoss, I ain’t investing in shit.” This rarely ends the economics lecture, but my brother wins bonus points for boldly voicing his uninterest, just as my father would do were someone to corner him and talk about Buddhism or the return of the clog. The two of them are unapologetically blunt. It’s a quality my father admires so much, he’s able to ignore the foul language completely. “That Paul,” he says, “now there’s a guy who knows how to communicate.”

When words fail him, the Rooster has been known to communicate with his fists, which, though quick and solid, are no larger than a couple of tangerines. At five foot four, he’s shorter than I am, stocky but not exactly intimidating. The year he turned thirty we celebrated Christmas at the home of my older sister Lisa. Paul arrived a few hours late with scraped palms and a black eye. There had been some encounter at a bar, but the details were sketchy.

“Some motherfucker told me to get the fuck out of his motherfucking face, so I said, ‘Fuck off, fuckface.’”

“Then what?”

“Then he turned away and I reached up and punched him on the back of his motherfucking neck.”

“What happened next?”

“What the fuck do you think happened next, bitch? I ran like hell and the motherfucker caught up with me in the fucking parking lot. He was all beefy, all flexed up and shit. The motherfucker had a taste for blood and he just pummeled my ass.”

“When did he stop?”

My brother tapped his fingertips against the tabletop for a few moments before saying, “I’m guessing he stopped when he was fucking finished.”

The physical pain had passed, but it bothered Paul that his face was “all lopsided and shit for the fucking holidays.” That said, he retreated to the bathroom with my sister Amy’s makeup kit and returned to the table with two black eyes, the second drawn on with mascara. This seemed to please him, and he wore his matching bruises for the rest of the evening.

“Did you get a load of that fake black eye?” my father asked. “That guy ought to do makeup for the movies. I’m telling you, the kid’s a real artist.”

Unlike the rest of us, the Rooster has always enjoyed our father’s support and encouragement. With the dream of college officially dead and buried, he sent my brother to technical school, hoping he might develop an interest in computers. Three weeks into the semester, Paul dropped out, and my father, convinced that his son’s lawn-mowing skills bordered on genius, set him up in the landscaping business. “I’ve seen him in action, and what he does is establish a pattern and really tackle it!”

Eventually my brother fell into the floor-sanding business. It’s hard work, but he enjoys the satisfaction that comes with a well-finished rec room. He thoughtfully called his company Silly P’s Hardwood Floors, Silly P being the name he would have chosen were he a rap star. When my father suggested that the word silly might frighten away some of the upper-tier customers, Paul considered changing the name to Silly Fucking P’s Hardwood Floors. The work puts him in contact with plumbers and carpenters from such towns as Bunn and Clayton, men who offer dating advice such as “If she’s old enough to bleed, she’s old enough to breed.”

“Old enough to what?” my father asks. “Oh, Paul, those aren’t the sort of people you need to be associating with. What are you doing with hayseeds like that? The goal is to better yourself. Meet some intellectuals. Read a book!”

After all these years our father has never understood that we, his children, tend to gravitate toward the very people he’s spent his life warning us about. Most of us have left town, but my brother remains in Raleigh. He was there when our mother died and still, years later, continues to help our father grieve: “The past is gone, hoss. What you need now is some motherfucking pussy.” While my sisters and I offer our sympathy long-distance, Paul is the one who arrives at our father’s house on Thanksgiving day, offering to prepare traditional Greek dishes to the best of his ability. It is a fact that he once made a tray of spanakopita using Pam rather than melted butter. Still, though, at least he tries.

When a hurricane damaged my father’s house, my brother rushed over with a gas grill, three coolers full of beer, and an enormous Fuck-It Bucket — a plastic pail filled with jawbreakers and bite-size candy bars. (“When shit brings you down, just say ‘fuck it,’ and eat yourself some motherfucking candy.”) There was no electricity for close to a week.The yard was practically cleared of trees, and rain fell through the dozens of holes punched into the roof. It was a difficult time, but the two of them stuck it out, my brother placing his small, scarred hand on my father’s shoulder to say, “Bitch, I’m here to tell you that it’s going to be all right. We’ll get through this shit, motherfucker, just you wait.”




Do your sides hurt like mine? For more from David Sedaris ​check out my long-form conversation​ with him which is the most popular chapter of 3 Books ever recorded.

Did you find Paul motivational? I love counterintuitive motivational advice. ​Oliver Burkeman​ ​has a lot of that​, too!


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The fundamental unit of urban life

Hey everyone,

I've been a subscriber on ​Robin Sloan's email list​ for a while. He's the author of '​Moonbound​,' '​Sourdough​,' and '​Mr. Penumbra's 24-Hour Bookstore​.' I noticed in his last email he had a ​nice little ode​ about the value of local restaurants—and local small business, in general.

As Robin writes:

It is physical establishments—storefronts and markets, cafes and restaurants—that makes cities worth inhabiting. Even the places you don't frequent provide tremendous value to you, because they draw other people out, populating the sidewalks. They generate urban life in its fundamental unit, which is: the bustle.

I love that! Jane Jacobs, author of '​The Death and Life of Great American Cities​,' said, "By its nature, the metropolis provides what otherwise could be given only by traveling; namely, the strange." I love strange. I fear the WALL-E-like days with drone-delivered Amazon packages dropping over everybody's tall hedges and gated drives while Main Street is all boarded up.

The whole piece reminds me of a word Roger Martin taught us—or taught me, at least!—back in ​Chapter 68​ of 3 Books which is "​multi-homing​." Simply remembering that, as consumers, we have the power to resist the "single home" desires of most companies—just use Uber for rides! just use Meta for social! just use Netflix for TV!—and spread our dollars around.

I think of this when I see neighborhood hardware stores go under while we all Amazon packs of nails to ourselves instead of walking down the street.

I'm trying to keep focusing on small business—buying local, supporting my neighbors—and this essay was a nice reminder. I hope you enjoy it. To check out more of Robin's work, including his new book '​Moonbound​,' visit ​his website here​ or sign up for ​his email list here​.

Have a great week everyone,

Neil


Public Service: Good To Eat

Written by Robin Sloan

I’m an ardent booster of my little neighborhood, roughly where Oakland, Berkeley, and Emeryville mash together, up against the railroad tracks, an old meatpacking district now residential (small single-family, sprawling condo) and industrial (the country’s ​tastiest jam​, sophisticated ​cardboard box manufacturing machines​) and intellectual (mostly biotech, including a ​mycelium leather lab​).

Berkeley Bowl West, arguably the best grocery store in the country, sits along a bucolic greenway.

There are also restaurants, of course, and one in particular has transformed and enlivened the entire neighborhood. Called ​Good to Eat​, it is the brick-and-mortar realization of a pop-up that for many years offered Taiwanese dumplings at a local brewery. The restaurant is approaching its second anniversary; it has become my favorite in the entire Bay Area.

Good to Eat is the vision of Tony Tung and Angie Lin. Chef Tony is the kitchen mastermind, honoring and renewing classic Taiwanese cuisine. Angie is, among many other things, the restaurant’s voice ​on Instagram​, a fountain of energy and invitation. (Her record, in Instagram Stories, of a recent research trip to Taiwan was basically a mini-documentary.)

A sign of great people is that they attract great people, and Good to Eat’s whole team sparkles. It feels most nights like there must be a camera crew perched just out of sight, filming a segment for some children’s TV show, intended to model “careful work” and “cheerful collaboration” for impressionable young minds.

And there is a surprise here. The casual, friendly service and reasonable (for the Bay Area) prices don’t quite prepare you for the food, which exhibits a level of precision and creativity that approaches fine dining. It’s delightful to realize: all those years with the pop-up, slinging dumplings, THIS is what Chef Tony wanted to do. She had a secret plan!

​Just look at this menu​.

(If I was ordering today, right now, I’d get the eggplant noodle, the golden kimchi — my favorite kimchi I’ve had anywhere — the bok choy, and, yes, the fu-ru fried chicken. But this would imply NOT getting the red-braised pork belly with daikon radish … hmm … )

All together, it is a perfect package: food, space, esprit de corps. Of course, it helps that Kathryn and I have known these folks since their pop-up days, and are always greeted warmly … but visit twice, and you’ll be greeted warmly, too.

Good to Eat offers the tangible argument: enthusiasm and care are not in short supply. They don’t need to be hoarded. They ought to burn bright, spill out onto the sidewalk.

Here’s something important to understand. It is, at this time, approximately impossible to open and operate a restaurant in the Bay Area. The exorbitant cost of every input yields eye-popping menu prices; those prices keep customers away; the whole commercial equation becomes tenuous. There has been a wave of closures, as longstanding favorites throw in the towel.

It’s not just restaurants. Every kind of physical establishment feels, presently, improbable. It’s so much easier to … do something else. Anything else! Yet, it is physical establishments — storefronts and markets, cafes and restaurants — that make cities (like the donut megalopolis of the Bay Area) worth inhabiting. Even the places you don’t frequent provide tremendous value to you, because they draw other people out, populating the sidewalks. They generate urban life in its fundamental unit, which is: the bustle.

In taking on this task — setting out their sandwich board (you know I love a sandwich board) and opening their doors to everyone — people like Tony and Angie provide a profound public service.

It shouldn’t be so difficult! And this is not just a post-pandemic thing. The Bay Area has, for decades, been a daunting place to open your doors. Many of America’s urban hubs share this overheated deformity. It’s breathtaking to visit a country like Japan and find the most tenuous businesses (with the scantest hours) puttering along happily … simply because the rent is so low.

The shortage of useful, flexible space imposes costs — opportunity costs, if you remember econ 101 — borne by all of us, not just the Tonys and Angies of the world. Maybe that’s fair payment for the other gifts these places provide … but I’m skeptical. We don’t know, will never know, what we’re missing, except that it’s a lot.

Anyway, this is all to say: these days, it’s a minor miracle when a great new restaurant opens and stays open, so if you’re in the Bay Area, you should make haste to 65th Street in Emeryville. The patio is lovely, but/and Kathryn and I always sit at the bar. Get the kimchi. Yeah … get the fried chicken, too.


P.S. Shoutout to Michael Werner who responded to this post by sharing a delightful Kurt Vonnegut story from a PBS interview with journalist David Brancaccio about telling his wife he's going out to buy an envelope:

Oh, she says, well, you're not a poor man. You know, why don't you go online and buy a hundred envelopes and put them in the closet?

And so I pretend not to hear her. And go out to get an envelope because I'm going to have a hell of a good time in the process of buying one envelope. I meet a lot of people. And, see some great looking babes. And a fire engine goes by. And I give them the thumbs up. And, and ask a woman what kind of dog that is. And, and I don't know. The moral of the story is, is we're here on Earth to fart around. And, of course, the computers will do us out of that. And, what the computer people don't realize, or they don't care, is we're dancing animals. You know, we love to move around. And, we're not supposed to dance at all anymore.


You know what else makes cities great? Bookstores! And you should spend more time visiting them.

But not every neighborhood has great access to books. Listen to my interview with Latanya and Jerry of Bronx Bound Books to learn how they’re using a bus to bring books to the Bronx.

Sign Up for a Dose of Inspiration:

Every other week, I send an email out with an article I’ve written, or one of my favorite speeches, essays, or poems. No ads, no sponsors, no spam, and nothing for sale. Just a dose of inspiration or beauty!

The 3 S’s of Success

“How can I be successful?”

It’s a question many of us ask ourselves and have trouble answering. Because what is success, anyway? Is it writing a book and selling a million copies? Is it winning awards and gaining respect from your peers? Or is just feeling satisfied with your work?

We’re often told that success is in the eye of the beholder — that we need to define it for ourselves, on terms that are meaningful to us.

I believe that’s true but that advice doesn’t tell us how to do it. Try as we might, many of our achievements wind up fitting a mold that suits somebody else — employers, parents, societal expectations — at least as much as, if not more than, it suits us personally. And we still find ourselves left unsatisfied or unhappy, wishing we had something more or something else, no matter how ‘successful’ we’ve been.

I think one of the reasons why is because there roughly are three types of success. I call them the 3 S’s. The trick is to first decide that you can’t have all three of them at once and that you therefore must figure out which one you’re really aiming at.

Here’s how I draw the 3 S’s of success on a triangle:

3Successes.png

1. Sales success is about getting people to buy something you’ve created. Your book is a commercial hit! Everybody’s reading it, everybody’s talking about it, you’re on TV. You sell hundreds and then thousands and then millions of copies. Dump trucks beep while backing into your driveway before pouring out endless shiny coins as royalty payments. Sales success is about money. How much did you sell?

2. Social success means you’re widely recognized among your peers and people you respect. Critical success. Industry renown! To extend the book example, let’s say the New York Times reviews your latest novel and some writers you respect send you letters saying they thought the book was great (whether or not it’s a commercial hit).

3. Self success is in your head. It’s invisible. Only you know if you have it, because it corresponds to internal measures you’ve established on your own. Self success means you’ve achieved what you wanted to achieve. For yourself. You’re proud and satisfied with your work.

These three categories are broad and approximate but I think that’s why they’re useful: Chances are good that any major achievement you reach will fall more clearly into one than another. They apply to pretty much all industries, professions, and aspects of life.

The point is that success is not one-dimensional.

In order to be truly happy with your successes, you first need to decide what kind of success you want.

Are you in marketing? Sales success means your product flew off the shelves and your numbers blew away forecasts. Social success means you were written up in prestigious magazines, nominated for an award, or shouted out by the CEO at the all-hands meeting. Self success? That’s the same: How do you feel about your accomplishments?

Are you a teacher? Sales success means you’re offered promotions based on your work in the classroom because the bosses want to magnify and implement your work more widely. You’re asked to become a Vice Principal or Principal. Social success means educators invite you to present at conferences, mentor new teachers, and the superintendent recognizes you for your work. Self success? Again: How do you feel about your accomplishments?

There is a catch, though.

I believe it’s impossible to experience all three successes at once.

Picture the triangle above like one of those wobbly exercise planks at an old-school gym. If you push down on two sides, the third side lifts into the air. In our lives and work, it’s rare that any given thing we do — any single success we achieve, no matter how great — can satisfy ourselves and others in equal measure. Aspiring to that, if you ask me, is a mistake.

Sales success, for instance, can block self success. That’s what happened to me as a writer when I got hooked on bestseller lists, blog stats, and brand extensions. Personal goals took a backseat to more tangible commercial ones. I started making things because I was asked to and not because I wanted to. Sure, the saying goes “make hay while the sun shines,” and I’m not saying there’s anything wrong with chasing commercial success, but I’m pointing out that if that’s your north star it can distract or block you from chasing deeply personal goals.

Look at it the other way.

Personal goals don’t necessarily have a marketable strategy so no sales or social success may follow. I’m talking about making that triple-decker chocolate birthday cake you bake for your daughter, the incredible twelfth grade chemistry lesson you put your heart into for weeks, the backyard deck you built with your bare hands. You wouldn’t expect royalty payments or critical reviews from those endeavors. You’re not trying to sell cakes, lesson plans, or decks. You could! But that wasn’t your goal.

And, finally, let’s peek at this from a final view. Critical darlings often sell poorly. You see this almost every year at the Oscars. Spotlight wins Best Picture — tense, dramatic, wonderful acting. How much did it gross at the domestic box office? $45 million. That same year Furious 7 made $353 million.

Which would you have rather made?

There is Sales, Social, and Self success.

Spend time thinking about which one you want and then go.

Good luck!

Take More Pictures: The counterintuitive way to build resilience

SJM-RYAN.jpeg

When I was researching my book on resilience, I discovered something so obvious it blew me away.

I think I was around nine years old when my dad bought me the Complete Major League Baseball Statistics, a frayed paperback with a green cover. I treasured it and kept it in my room for years. I flipped through it so many times.

As I paged through the numbers, I started noticing something interesting. Cy Young had the most wins of all time in baseball (511). He also had the most losses (316). Nolan Ryan had the most strikeouts (5714), and the most walks (2795).

Why would the guy with the most wins also have the most losses?

Why would the guy with the most strikeouts also have the most walks?

It’s simple—they just played the most.

They tried the most and moved through loss the most.

When everything rests on the numbers

Sometimes, achieving something really is about quantity over quality not the other way around. I’ve asked wedding photographers how they manage to capture such perfect moments. They all say the same type of thing: “I just take way more pictures. I’ll take a thousand pictures over a three-hour wedding. That’s a picture every 10 seconds. Of course I’m going to have 50 good ones. I’m throwing 950 pictures away to find them!”

Sometimes, when I’m doing Q&A after a speech, someone asks me a question along the lines of  “So, congratulations on the success of The Book of Awesome. My question is: How do I get paid millions to write about farting in elevators?”

To me, this is like asking, “So you won the lottery. How do I win the lottery, too?”

I always answer the same way, with a reply I stole from Todd Hanson, former head writer at The Onion. He said that whenever someone asks him the question “So how do I get a job writing jokes for money like you did?” he gives a straightforward answer:

“Do it for free for 10 years.”

We cannot hack our way to success

Today, we’re surrounded by tales of companies with million-dollar valuations that grow at lightning-fast rates. We hear about tiny startups that Google acquires for billions of dollars, just a few months after launch. We want to read about the fastest way to get a six-pack or accelerate our careers. But ultimately, what we want to find—quick fixes, easy answers, shortcuts—isn’t there.

Some things take time. They take time. They just take time. It’s not about the number of hits but rather the number of times you step up to the plate. The most important questions to ask yourself are:
 

  1. Am I gaining experience?

  2. Will these experiences help?

  3. Can I afford to stay on this path for a while?


Sometimes? No. Other times? Yes. And either way you’ll help yourself see that you are learning, doing, and moving—even if that means lots of failure on the way.


“I’m a big fan of poof”

Seth Godin, bestselling author of over 20 books, offered similar advice in an interview with Tim Ferriss: “The number of failures I’ve had dramatically exceeds most people’s, and I’m super proud of that. I’m more proud of the failures than the successes because it’s about this mantra of ‘Is this generous? Is this going to connect? Is this going to change people for the better? Is it worth trying?’ If it meets those criteria and I can cajole myself into doing it, then I ought to.”

And in and interview with Jonathan Fields on Good Life Project, he said, “I’m a big fan of poof.” What’s poof? The idea that you try and if it’s not working—poof. You go try something else.

I’m writing this article as part of my research, lessons, and ideas on resilience in You Are Awesome. That book came out over a year ago now. Is it a hit? Is it a flop? Honestly, it almost doesn’t matter. Because, either way, the only choice I have is to move on to the next thing.

Sure, I want it to succeed. But I can’t determine that. All I get to do is take more pictures. All I get to do is keep going with my next book, next talk, next project, next whatever, whether this one is a hit or goes poof.

You need to do the same.

Success stories are not stories of success  

We need to stop looking at successful people with the lens that their lives contain a success that led to a success that led to another success. Because you know what we’re really looking at? Not success, not really. Just people who are just really good at moving through failures.

Moving through failures, swimming through failure, recovering and going forward from failure? That’s the real success. Successful people get to where they’re going because they are willing to try something when the possibility of failure is high … they know and accept that and don’t shy away from it.

So when it comes to long-term success, remember it’s not how many home runs you hit. It’s how many at-bats you take. The wins will only pile up if you keep stepping up to the plate.

This is an edited excerpt from You Are Awesome: How To Navigate Chance, Wrestle with Failure, and Live and Intentional Life