I gave my 700th keynote speech last week.
I have somehow suddenly given, uh, 43.08 speeches a year ... for 16 straight years.
#700 was truly soul-fueling.
I was in Minneapolis speaking to a non-profit who connects blood cancer patients to marrow and stem cell donors.
Generous people!
Kind hearted people!
But also ... drained people.
Overworked and underpaid people.
While speaking about moving cell phones off the bedside table and starting their day with two-minute mornings, I decided to try something new.
I asked the audience to put their hand up if they identify as an overthinker.
What happened?
Pretty much every hand shot up!
Put your hand up if you identify as an overthinker.
And then I went on a rant.
I had none of this written down. I have said none of it before. But I've been researching and writing about overthinking so I had it stuck in my throat like a peach pit ready to pop.
You can watch the rant right now online—filmed from someone's phone and posted as an IG Reel or YT Short—or just scrollllll past these images and read the transcript.
I want to talk about overthinking right now.
Let’s raise the lights a little bit.
Put your hand up if you self-identify as an overthinker today.
Look around!
95% or more hands are up!
Overthinking is the scourrrrrrrrrge of our society today.
Why do we overthink?
Because when we evolved as humans it was a good thing to explore every single possible variable.
Checking every option was rewarded behavior!
Hear a crack outside your cave in the middle of the night you got two choices:
Check it out
Keep sleeping
If you check it out, if it's nothing you go back to bed.
If you check it out, if it's a bear you can hide or run away.
Either way you live!
If you keep sleeping, you probably live ... but it's a little bit less likely.
Waking up for two minutes gives you a better chance for survival.
That evolutionary instinct to evaluate every option is now being metastasized in our culture of endless scrolling and endless optionality.
You scroll online, it never ends. Try to book a flight, there’s a billion options. Book a hotel, billion more.
What was once a great skill is now turning into a problem.
We are overthinking too much.
And you know what?
One of the solutions is so obvious.
Right when you wake up as part of the two-minute morning exercise you simply write down:
I will focus on…
I don’t want you to look at your phone.
I don’t want you to look at your email.
I don’t want you to look at your inbox.
I don’t want you to look at your calendar.
I want you to look ... at your heart.
And I want you to say:
What’s one thing I need to focus on?
I want you to carve a will do from your endless could do and should do lists.
Because when you get that phone you get everyone’s requests, everyone's invites, everyone’s texts, every algorithm in every app grabbing and splintering every bit of your attention.
Don't let that happen.
No.
Instead just pause and ask yourself what you will focus on.
I will focus on that tough conversation I need to have at work.
I've been putting it off. I need to talk to that person.
I will focus on spending some time with my 13-year-old daughter.
We always had time together, one-on-one time. Now she’s busy with her friends. She’s coming and going with extracurriculars. I feel our relationship fracturing. I need to book some time with just her and me.
I will focus on giving my mom a phone call.
I know I try to call her every couple of days, and then it’s been a week, and now it’s been a couple of weeks. I’ve got to reach out. I’ve got to book the time. She always talks forever, so I’ve got to book half an hour on my schedule. I’ve just got to call my mom.
You know what you should do before everyone else comes at you with all the things they want you to do.
And if you just write down in the morning, “I will focus on…” you will find it acts as a little antidote—a cure—poured into the overthinking puddle we're living in.
What’s one thing you need to focus on today?
P.S. Overthinking keeping you up? Here’s the five-word phrase Leslie and I use.
Another solution to overthinking)? Get outside and make art!