Most years lots are jammed, malls are rammed, and we race around in giant plastic cars to fill giant plastic bags with giant plastic toys to set under giant plastic trees. Can a pandemic slow us down? Of course not! Our clicker fingers get blisters as cardboard boxes pile up at the front door. What do we all want? More! More, more, more!
I’ve been talking to my wife Leslie about ways to pull back, pare back, and get intentional about what we’re giving. We are very, very, very far from perfect (I did write this, after all), but here is my best shot at nine unconventional gifts to dial down the insanity and dial up the intimacy:
9. Old jewelry. Most things in your grandma’s closet don’t age well. Pantyhose. Pink track pants. 20-Minute Workout VHS tapes. But jewelry is the exception. The story of a specific bracelet or pair of earrings only deepens, lengthens, and intensifies with time. “It’s the ring you grandfather bought me on our tenth anniversary” or “I bought these earrings for my prom back when I lived up north.” The story of old jewelry is the story of the milestones in your life. Also applies to hoodies, watches, or anything worn and loved which someone else could wear and love, too.
8. A birdfeeder and a bag of bird food. Who else has become crazy about birds during the pandemic? (I absolutely have!) Has your friend or loved one been going on and on about the Merlin ID app or asking if you want to traipse out to some forest at daybreak to spy on kinglets or owls? That person needs a bird feeder! And a bag of bird food! Bonus points if you include installation.
7. A batch of your homemade spaghetti sauce. Spend a day simmering a pot of the good stuff and pour it into jars for all your loved ones. Also works with salsa, jam, or granola. For bonus points cut out some little checkered cloths with pinking shears and wrap them around the lids with string. For double bonus points, cater to their unique allergy or dietary constraint. Nothing says love like keto carbonara.
6. A different version of their favorite book. When I interviewed my favorite bookseller on 3 Books she told me she had four copies of Are You There God? It’s Me Margaret by Judy Blume. Four? What? Why? Well, it’s her favorite book, they have different covers, one of them is signed, you get the idea. Why is this such a brilliant move? Because you already know they love it. Now they get an edition that’s different because of the cover or format or signature inside. You win points for fishing through used bookstore bins and if those are closed up try special autographed sites at Abe Books or Books-A-Million.
5. An outdoor hot chocolate carafe. Who else is doing a lot of cold weather distanced visits? If it’s freezing but you want some six foot love then get an outdoor carafe for coffee, tea, or hot chocolate and heat up everybody’s heart. (Here’s an example.)
4. A mix tape or personalized playlist with the track listing printed inside the card. Every single Christmas I eagerly look forward to my friend Mike’s “Best Of This Year” CD he painstakingly curates, produces, burns, and mails to me. Does anyone still have CD players? Yes, most of us do. In the basement! In the car! Somewhere! Mike loads the playlist onto Spotify too (here’s last years) so I can listen to it wherever. Music says what words can’t. And, in an era of infinite choice, the value of curation skyrockets. If you want to get hardcore you can record it on a cassette and pair it with an old Walkman to play it on. And, if not, then making a custom playlist and writing up a pretty track listing in the card also works wonders.
3. A gift certificate to your favorite independent bookstore. The pandemic has hurt independent bookstores badly. Many are shuttered and doing some crazy factory operations inside. But bookshops are one of the most vital members of our local cultural community and a gift certificate from a local shop is a stocking stuffer of love. Do you want more reasons? Here’s an article I wrote on why you should spend more time in bookstores. Do you want something to wrap with the gift certificate? Pick something from the 3 Books1000 most formative books in the world.
2. A hand-written love letter. Sounds daunting! That’s why it sticks out. A few things up front: Paper doesn’t matter, pen doesn’t matter, crossing things off and rewriting them again and again doesn’t matter. No need for rhymes. No need for anything fancy. The goal is to remove all the hesitation between your heart and fingers and let it flow. What you remember about how we met, a few favorite memories from this year, and how you make me feel. That’s it! The letter is hardest before it’s written and easiest after you start. Leslie and I write one to each other every Christmas and it’s one of our fondest traditions. She even photographs them in case of tornado or typhoon. Again, length, style, format – none of it matters. According to a study published in the Journal of Psychological Science, when we express gratitude for others by writing them a handwritten letter, we underestimate how grateful recipients feel, overestimate how ‘awkward’ it is, and underestimate how positive they’ll feel. If you need a more detailed primer, here’s one to check out. But basically: Don’t think about it. Just go for it.
1. A homemade coupon booklet. I know you remember giving these to your mom when you were six and couldn’t afford to get her a sweater. “This coupon entitles the bearer to 1 free hug.” And those coupons were beautiful and sweet and I bet they made your mom cry and I bet she kept them. But then what happened? You started getting her can openers and blenders. Lame! Bring back the homemade coupon. But now, as an adult, you can make it a whole booklet. We know experiences make us happier than things and the homemade coupon brings experiences to life. Foot massages! Homemade lasagna! Watching the kids! Two weeks of laundry! Make out sessions! Wait, I’m talking about your partner not your mom now. I should clarify. (Hey, if you take the advice of bestselling author Kelly Oxford in GQ, then sexual favors in committed relationships are fair game, too.) Spicing up marriages, strengthening relationships, getting right to the nucleosis of generosity, and saving money. Is there anything homemade coupons can’t do?
Christmas, Christmas, long grown from its religious roots straight and into our increasingly secular world. But how do we escape our own itchy clicker fingers and the endless boxes piling up on the front porch?
We do it by preserving the magical reminder of generosity and togetherness by choosing gifts easy on the environment, easy on the wallet, and extra on the intimacy … whenever we can.